I went to bed last night feeling infinitely bored. It was the type of boredom that forces you to send random "just wanted to say hi" text messages and to sign into Facebook to see if there's anyone there with whom you can connect.
In these situations, the answer is always "No." Your best friend may be available to talk, but nothing actually satisfies this type of boredom. It's a deeper boredom. It makes you feel restless and in this digital age it makes you mindlessly surf the internet with "peace of mind" and "art class" key phrases. You find a few self-help blogs and a drawing class that is way out of your price range. This gets you thinking, "oh, if I could only pack up right now and go on some adventure--that would bring excitement." And you're right, it will. But then after you return, the same feelings will creep back into your mind. So what's a girl to do?
Well, an idea from a movie (which will remain unnamed out of fear of reproach and judgement) struck me. People feel a nagging discontent because they haven't found a way to express themselves. Should we all write, at best, mediocre haiku? No, I don't think so. Should we find an outlet. Yes. But, I think one of my biggest mistakes in the past when looking for this proverbial outlet is that I searched for a distraction. I poured myself into my work, or signed up for a marathon. While torturing your body for 20 weeks in preparing for a marathon can be a good way to sleep through a break up, it's not physically sustainable for me. I'm convinced that an outlet must be yours and a reflection of your emotional state and if it is these things, then it will consume your mind.
I spent most of teenage years consumed in athletics. I played basketball and soccer nearly nonstop. I realize now, that it was my art class, my dance, my poetry. But it no longer suffices.
Hence, this rambling concludes with a resolution of sorts: to find a medium to express myself, something that allows me to be emotional and gives me nourishment.
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